In life, we are constantly asked yes or no questions. “Did you finish the spreadsheet that is due today?” “Do you wanna chill?” “You single?”
These questions, for some reason, are often times the most difficult and we end up submitting ourselves out of fear. With the word “No” we find that people either have a hard time saying it, hard time receiving it or even both! Let’s look into the reasons why people have trouble saying the word.
Why People Fear Saying No
- It’s some kind of risk
- The person might feel some type of way ( rejected, retaliation, rage, disappointed or hurt)
- Pressured or manipulated
- The person may become angry
- You may feel some form of guilt
- It may feel threatening to a relationship
- Some people can’t take no for an answer
All of these feelings are normal to have, but if you come to think of it, someone is asking YOU a QUESTION. They can not force you to do something you don’t want to. And if anyone feels some type of way about you telling them no, than they are definitely not meant to be in your life. These things are hard to deal with because you put other people’s feelings ahead of your own and neglect what you feel inside. You already know what you want to say but just don’t know how to say it because of your feelings and the feelings of others.
Though take this into consideration, how often you’ve said yes to something you don’t want to do and it lingers in your head the whole time. For me it would be saying yes to a shift I didn’t want to take, but felt bad to deny it. I’d complain and not really care for how the job was done. I’d make more mistakes than usual and it all hit me when someone bluntly told me ” You can’t be mad because you said okay.” Ooooh how I hated how the person was right lol. But it’s true, and I allowed myself to become so over worked about it that my energy wasn’t distributed into the things that matter. It’ll make the day worst, but I had to come to the understanding that if I continued that way than I’ll keep my day going worst. I just have to say no next time.
“With a bitter brain, you may not deliver the best care, whether you are conscious of it or not.”
-Carrie Barron M.D. The Creativity Cure
It’s not an easy thing to get through, trust me I know. But I have managed to find some effective ways to ease ourselves into the process of saying no without the guilt.
- Initiate the first “no” by saying it to small and unimportant things.
- Stop, breath and think before you answer the question.
- With major decisions that aren’t time sensitive, seek for advice.
- Don’t fall for that sneaky line that often times bosses use- “Everyone else thinks you do an amazing job…” It’s a trap! It’s practically impossible for everyone to be focused on what your doing.
- Think how bad you’d feel if you didn’t do the task.
- Assess the fallout. Is it going to be bad if you didn’t say yes to it?
- Remember you can change your mind in MOST cases. But try not to change your mind too much either, because than you come off unreliable and we don’t want that.
- Sometimes saying yes it the better option, because you might end up finding something that you’d enjoy doing.
- Don’t explain or apologize. No is its own is a sentence.
- After saying No, you want to be polite by adding “Thanks for asking.”
- Don’t say “Let me think about it.” when you really mean no. You just make it worst on yourself by prolonging the situation.
- Try to negotiate for conditions that will make it favorable for you to actually take it or leave it.
- It goes back to not explaining yourself. You don’t need an excuse. Often time people would read you as if you are lying. Just be straight up about it.
I’ve managed to do several of these things thus far and I’ve gotten better. It takes time so please don’t expect to be like those people who seem as though they have no emotion and just spit no out like nothing. Remember that often times saying yes to a situation, project or task at the moment, that you do not enjoy doing, can actually benefit you later on. For example maybe your boss will ask you to stay longer even though you were meant to leave at 11, you decided to stay because your team needed your help on a crazy day. He can than use that example for a recommendation to your dream job. #TrueStoryThough lol. You just never know. Sometimes saying yes to something you don’t like might be a good thing.
Why People Shy from Saying Yes to Themselves:
And on the subject of saying yes to things that may benefit us, we sometimes seldom say yes to the things we want. Often times we get that soul urge to pursue a certain career, travel outside of the states or go after that special girl, yet we deny ourselves out of fear. We develop doubts from worthlessness, comparing ourselves to others or even fear of humiliation and failure. Sometimes we just might go after our dreams and actually experience failure. We tend to think “Damn, that’s it. I failed! This must mean that It’s just not meant to be for me.” and move on to something more practical or comfortable. The problem with that is, if we stay in our comfort zone, we will never truly see our potential. You don’t want to become a novice at what you do, picking up trades every time one fails. You will never feel truly fulfilled if you don’t try.
I have found some awesome techniques online, can’t say I tried them all, but I believe they are very effective.
- Understand that the worst thing said to you would just be “no”.
- Instead of thinking negatively about the situation “What if something bad happens?”or “Damn, Sheila is better than me at accounting.” think in the positive light like “How would it feel if it goes well?” or “Sheila is very knowledgeable about accounting. Maybe she can share some tips or methods that has helped her over the years.”
- Stop comparing yourself to others. (I’m guilty of this one)
- “No” doesn’t mean the end. Failure doesn’t mean no more. It all simply means a lesson learned/ learning.
- Trust that if it is meant to be, it’ll happen. You just need that work!
- You can always change or tweak what want to manifest.
- Remember, everyone at one point in time has gone through rejection. It all matters how you handle the situation afterwards.
- Don’t focus your energy on the mess up, instead put that energy to reevaluate and try again. Think “What went wrong and how can I fix it for next time?”
Don’t let fear rule you away from a future that could be lit A.F. You will never know if it is meant for you until you try it out. More often than not, if you try out things that you want to do, you are bound to manifest abundance.
All in all, don’t waste your time doing things that you don’t want to do when you could focus that energy and time on the things you do want to do. Don’t allow a simple word to have a deep control over you and your future. Start out on small things and build up to it. Don’t allow the worthlessness and self-doubt make you think you are incapable because than you actually become incapable. Have faith in who you are, in what you do and want to do. You will surely get what you want and easily remove what you don’t want. And often times saying yes to the things you don’t want to do CAN serve you in the long run. Just don’t spread yourself thin and trust yourself to know your limits.
I hope today’s post has managed to inspire and provided you all with the means to take control of your life by understanding the power of no. Like always, please feel free to leave a comment, share with your friends and may Light, Love and God guide you to Happiness.